Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads

0:03 Hey, Um, got it, uh, you know, right, right, in an example of a good example, you know. Yeah, that works for you or something like that. Yeah, exactly, helpful. It's it's definitely, uh, it's definitely there. And when I want to get there eventually, I'm just scared, scared, scared of what. So right now they can people being rude. I'm not. I'm not. My skin is not thick enough yet. Mind it. So I'll read them. It's fine, care I listen. I'm worse of a person than any human being. Okay, and that's at you know, I can, right, I can boil your blood and half a second. Okay, yeah, you can.

0:51 No, like even less than that in half the sentence if you say relax or grow up. I'm waiting for another one to pop up, but I don't. I haven't heard it yet and I don't know it right now. What was what was that last word? Do you want to be canceled? There you go. Um, well, you're lucky that it cut out. You're very lucky that it cut out. Why I was wrong with that word. What? Where did you say? Oh my God, you've been living in Florida too long, man, not too long. Literally, haven't said that word since high school and I appreciate you. You fired me up.

1:34 You got it point proven. But that's so weird, like saying now that I say that, it's like remember that when, like way back in the day, when like Jenko jeans? Remember those people? Oh yeah, like people would would say that to like I mean like Oh, you're a loser. Yeah, like that show wouldn't fly today. No, but you know what, I was listening to Green Day. What I was listening to Green Day, and it's one of us, shut up, man, Green Day. What what songs body? But yeah, it's I don't know, it's a little much, I think. What were they saying? Are you saying that they said the F word, that you just said that F word?

2:24 UH, yeah, I mean fucking sign of the time. I'm putting that out. I don't want to cut too much out today, but yeah, I know. No, yeah, you're right. And you know what I think it is? We tried so hard to learn how to be politically correct back in between our generation. Wait, wait, let me finish, between our generation and Gen z. That mess everything up, and now every person is so sensitive to anything like you say. If you say like Oh um, you know why did you say that about? I don't want to get troubly. I know. Yeah, I know what you're saying, though, like Comedians, like fucking Comedians, the whole job is to take yeah, they draw the they're supposed to find the line. Professional comedian. I think it was Bill Burr, perfectly, oh man. Yeah, but hey, if you tell a joke and they joke does not offend, it doesn't offend anybody in the audience. It's not a good joke. True. Yeah, I mean, Damn, those bombs. Even I can't take. Some of them are like yeah, he says, he says one of uh, he says one about single MOMS. I love. That's my favorite one.

3:40 I know. I was like I was like cringing, but I actually was like he does funny, not tastefully, but like funny. You know, it's everything funny, but he's just do it for shock factors. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, is so for it's such a weird like border that he's able to bosome. Yeah, you're right, that's what it is from Boston. Or if you know, you know, you know, you know. Well, okay, so let's go with folks at home. How you're doing? How I'm doing? I don't know. I can.

4:23 I like this conversation. We're happy. Oh Yeah, you want to start. What's up? What's up everybody? Thanks for jointing. Now what's up everyone? This is Bellamars. I just interrupt ellamarsh, buddy streams this thing. Okay, now what I know? Well, we can do the video next time, but I'm gonna have to like that was the other question I had for you was that. SHOULD WE DO VIDEO? You think something eventually, soon or soon? Yeah, when I look, I gotta figure out how I want to look, like the letting and all that. You know all. You know what else we should do? We can do the live stream and I just will turn my comments off, like you're saying.

5:08 I will turn mine off. You see them, I don't want to see them. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You can see I'll turn them off. No, I want to see your comments and, Um, I want to read them. Yes, but I'm saying I don't want to read or see them, but you will see all of it and then just just throw in like just a fake one and be like, Oh, they say you're you're doing a really good job, great, like you're all going to crush on you and you know they're all going to be like, oh, she's a fucking she's, because they're not like Holi, we went to high school with. These are like, you know, kids. Probably, if that listens, I don't know. You have the stats. I don't.

5:51 Oh my God, my they're my fag love, just getting att have a thing. Sure, go ranching. I'd be like, okay, if everybody whoever watches, I'll send you a picture of Mike, only for free and by two friends. If I hit five hundred subs today, then and bucks of Raffle free only fans, and we don't. We don't happen. Only time, you know. So Um, yeah, that's a great way to scan someone. So, anyways, that's a good idea. Who wants to see? Because if I hate subs, now everyone has crushing on like gaming girls and cool girls and like, Um uh. First of all, I don't know why animal is so popular. Never Watch it. Don't get it.

6:41 Um, but people like have with fucking oriental girls and man, I did like I did a couple. I did a sailor moon, but like half asked because I don't have it. I got it like an outfit Oh my God, I can't tell you how many, like whatever. And then socks, pictures anywhere, like what I wear, knee high socks, and like normal, like I'm definitely not like, Oh yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure, you have no idea what you're doing. I really don't think well done, we want to buy me socks. Now I'm like, okay, buy me socks and you get, you get an exclusive set of pictures.

7:25 I'll I'm gonna text you after this. I need some new ones. Okay. Well, you wear boxer briefs? Yeah, don't worry about it, okay, and box of briefs, box of briefs. All right, what's up, everybody? This take three. WHAT'S UP, everybody? This is Bella Mars and I'm here with Ricky Boreas, who continues to interrupt me, but he um, he's here again. Say, what's up, unprofessional? What? Hi, everybody. Yeah, that was professional. I love myself. Um, what's up people out there? We're gonna. Hey, we could do that's a little lesson today, a lesson on life, love and maybe something else. Well, Um, so, I don't Miss It.

8:18 No, take it away. So what we were talking about earlier? Well, we're talking about a couple of things. We're talking about comedians pushing the line, but we kind of moved on from that. Then we're talking about how we should move forward to the next level of professionalism as it relates to this podcast. When should we take it to a Vidka? No, livestream. No, taking video clips, and then I don't like seeing your face like this. Taking video clips to promote the podcast. Now I can't hear. And then, uh, because right as it is, right now, if I wanted, we can post it on Youtube, but you need to tell me like a good level. Oh No, alright, the closest.

9:09 Alright, talk normal. I'M gonna say. Wait, too far. Yeah, now I hear like an echo. Okay, and then, all right, so I called Bella. No, you're good. You're good when you're okay, when you're all the way up my good here. Okay, am I good here? Yes, what do I need? What do we need to add to expenses so I can write this off as an expense? Okay, no, no, I mean the thing. Yeah, that's good.

9:50 Yeah, that's good. Oh, ship, you want to see me? Obviously, don't look. It's a big speaker right here. I talk into this. That probably work if it's a speaker, though. It's not a microphone, I think it. Yeah, I don't know if it is there, whether there be a microphone on a speaker as well. Yeah, but I'm not. I don't want all right, so okay, let me think. Oh, maybe like a Bluetooth microphone. That's dope. That's what I meant to do right before, because I was like I meant I said, Hey, give me to a fifteen to sorry folks at home about this is a lesson in being prepared, all right, and this is we're just we're messing around. This is called an unpreparedness. Don't we look foolish?

10:39 That's right. You don't want to look like this, you know. On that note, and I also wanted to mention that, I don't feel like I'm very confident in myself. However, I do want to mention we are still learning. This is like less we're still less than ten episodes. So thank you for your patients. For that, I can't tell. I think are getting better and better. So I don't know what I think. I have them. Oh, no, I gave the adapter to my father. I think your father, man. I know I said that's so bad fun all you. Okay? So, yeah, so I'm not gonna be able to do that. So you guys gonna have to enjoy me in the in the raw form. You know what? What else will helped? Because every once in a while, like if I'm saying and then you want to say something right away, because actually works out great. Um, it doesn't let us talk over each other, like what, cuts off like that? Right.

11:35 Yeah, so that gets perfect. So, AH, we'll get you set up. What do you have a laptop? Do you have a laptop? I mean, I have a deathtop over there. I could try, but I don't. Once again, I don't want everyone here in our ship. What? What? What? How is it different? Because the deathtop isn't okay, so in your room. It's in the office and the office is closer. First of all, it's like all wooden in there, so it's like wait, but it's great, Um, the bedroom. So I don't rile the dogs up and ship. That would be yeah, Um, but I don't care. I'll try, because I was gonna try it anyways, and then see if it's better. But that's probably when we do a video, because that will probably Oh yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, because then you're my video is horrid. What is this landscape? Horizontal?

12:35 You're portrait really get yours? Mine is because mine's on the computer with the camp yeah, okay. So, so my new computer. You're like, Oh, it must be nice. Yeah, I spent five dollars. It's not even like a big deal. Oh, I know. All Right, Um, so you got you go look at this. I'm so professional right now. Watch this. Wait, what the Hell's going on? It's the honey. I shrunk the kids. Honey. Yeah, do you remember that movie from the nineties? Yeah, I love the movie. What are you talking about? What's the grass? The grass in the background? I don't see any grass in the background. I don't either, but you had it about two minutes ago. Are you sure it's a plant? It just shows up. I'm talking about the zoom background. Nothing happens, right, oh, it's just showing a filter. I'm an idiot. Okay, and just the picture. As you know, what, today is not my day.

13:43 I want to talk about that. Yeah, let's let's uh like Doctor S. Well, Um, I'm gonna shrink the kids. Or do you want it to be on the Golden Gate Bridge, or do you want me to be out and out of space. Let's do space. You got a baby, all right, Um, I don't get out here. How do you hear? How do you go out? Oh, my God, in space. I don't know. Oh, there you are, you. You got a concert back from it in cooling men. So that's why I have the house alone again on Friday. Everyone's going on vacation without me. Why?

14:31 Why didn't? Yeah, you know, you have you noticed the theme here in my family? Yeah, they love going on vacation without me. I'm not gonna like. I mean, that happens to me too, but I want to hear you. You're you, nothing at all. Just that is exactly it. But that's weird. But what happened was my sisters. So my it's weird, because you tell me if this isn't weird. My Mom and dad's good friend and who lived in here. We're probably the richest people in here, right, but there are great friends, good people. Um, and then they recently sold their house and moved. They had a house in Colorado as well, so they live out there now. They have some businesses, you know, they have a bunch of businesses and property around here.

15:22 So sometimes they're over here. ANYWAYS, they're up north. They see my sister a lot and brother in law a lot because they're up there in that area. Because another one of our friends in here down that where you are right now? Yeah, in the SCULF community, right, my parents, my parents friends. So one of them sold in here, lives in Colorado, the other one, but he traveled to Um, where my sisters at, visited my sister because he he was in Maine and in the era he dropped by my sisters and brother in law's house to say hi, right, and then he invited them out, you know, one of those like half as rich people invites, like hey, come out to our place, about park city? Yeah, it's Utah, not Colorado, and it's like fucking crazy, I guess, but you know why. But so they said yes and they did it and they made plans to do it and then my mom and dad decided to go to they said Hey, mom and dad, you should do this too. Like first of all my mom and dad were like kind of weird that you're making vacations plans with our friends Um, but we're coming. I go, Oh, you guys are losers. I said, didn't this happen? Uh, four and a half weeks ago too, and I take care of everything. Yeah, it did. Didn't happen when my best friend's wedding. Yeah, you guys, fucking everyone. Good night.

16:52 And do you at that corner? You know? I'm just like, at least they ask me. You know what it is. If you know him, dead broke, if you know, I have because if that's your concern, if you have, I mean I don't know what else you can say. If I if you knew for a fact I had negative two million dollars in my account, please ask me. Let me tell you. I can't. You're not gonna go and invite yourself. You are polite enough to invite. Ask for wait for the invitation and I ain't going to. Let's get invite me. I'm not going. But they invited my sister first and then my parents. I can tell you exactly why. Why He'p please tell me, because you do not have a significant other. You have. Why did they invite my Um, sister or brother in law at all? Sister and brother in law, they're a couple. whine. Why invite them at all? Because there are a couple? There's Are you? Do you have a significant out of there to go on this trip. No, but there's like, okay, it happens to me all the time. That's why I'm saying that. The point is there's no special this is an imprompt to invite.

18:18 It wasn't planned, it wasn't nothing. And then for them to say, Mom and Dad, you should come, it's just very weird. Well, can I guarantee you if I did have a significant other, they wouldn't ask me. has nothing to do with that. The fact is it's just sucking weird. My parents friends asked my hang out with my sister's younger than me. That's fucking weird, no matter how you put it. Okay, well, I I agree it's weird, and them for the and then for them to ask my invite my parents to their own friend's house. Yeah, that's weird, but they don't work. Who you're parents and you work.

19:03 So what's your point? My point is if they're going to invite people, they're going to invite the people that have but they don't an entire like I do have that fucking entire like. I have an entire month off, you know, or and you can take time off, and they know that I've worked for him he knows that. The point is it's not just niceolated incident. It happens a lot, and that's where I'm saying it's because you don't have a significant other. So it becomes like we're going as couples. Because it happens to me all the time. I can invite it anymore. The reason that I bring it up and say the fact that it's happened a lot before is because before I've had significant others, it still didn't happen. Have had whatever the funk you said and didn't happen. It's just weird, excuse you can. It's just weird and you grew. My parents said it's weird and then they go, yeah, we're coming. So, yeah, I'm not complaining that. I have the house to myself. That's great. What I'm saying that's weird, like that's weird. Watch the F but yeah, how about this? Uh, they take all the families. They take my sister and her boyfriend, they take my brother and her boyfriend and they all go to Hawaii and they all go to San Francisco. They don't even ask me, and my brother worried, my dad and my Stepma. Yeah, well, these people are these are my actual family. They don't ask me to come with him to Hawaii. Gives a FUNK, don't? You don't want to say on that plane, that's a long plane, right, but

20:37 it's a vacation that I wouldn't have to pay for anything. Tell me, give you the cash. Well, I guess we're on the same page. We have different solutions. I ain't even get in the cash either. No, whatever, whatever, we suck. Clearly that's what it is. No, not even I'm just saying it's just weird of them to do this. Uh said, don't you think? And then you start coming out with all fucking excuses. Why? I'm not but no, no, I'm not making excuses. I'm trying to help you put it in perspective. But no, I get I get it, but isn't it weird? And you don't know these people either. So it's like it's a flex. And then it's a flex for my sister and her husband. Okay, here's what it is.

21:19 It's flex for them to offer, flex for them to say, yeah, we accept the offer and we're gonna pay for the fly out there, to fucking say it, and the rent. And it's a flex for my parents to say, yeah, we can keep up with that too, even though safe from nineteen seventy fucking four and inflation is fucking sense, and we're gonna pay with with two thousand and twenty two prices, with nineteen seventy four money. Get it fucking straight, like these people don't know shit about money. anyways. Go on, can you please? Just we're both working on this, but just with the effort. I'll let it out to the major ones.

22:00 If it's it's gratuitous, or I'll edit the gratuitous one. You know. The other thing that I think is that it's good. Yeah, it's good. It's good we're getting these out. I think it also takes shorter and shorter time to edit this stuff. But Um, yeah, it's like, okay, I guess I'll be a second class citizen because I'm doubly being punished. I don't have a significant donor, so I can't because they started inviting me again because I have a child and they want to have oh it would be great experience for her. I'm like what, what the but what I just realized right now is how we are complaining about something so like elitist that I feel guilty at this moment I don't get to go. I'm not complaining about that. I'm not complaining about a vacation. I'm complaining about the principle behind this. Isn't it weird? Not even a complaint. Isn't it weird? It's very weird. Yes, and it's not like, oh, big conspiracy weird. So isn't it weird? That's weird. Yeah, and then the fact that it's happened before for numerous but that's what I what threw me off. Yeah, but it's all for numerous different reasons. But and I don't care, I'm not do it. But the point is, I got the place myself's apart. You can invite no buddy. I have no

23:33 friends. I don't have friends either. Hey, you know what? You know how hard it is to make friends after a certain age, because then it's like, uh, why, it's easy ever log yeah, you have a lot of friends after you just said you have no friends. Got It. I don't want them. Trust me. You've seen what it's out there. It's a night there, like what's that Zombie, Zombie show? UH, walking dead. What it's like out there? Bunch zombies trying to just stuck the life out of here. brainless, brainless people walking around your friend.

24:15 Oh, what a tough place to be. People want to be your friend. Yeah, I don't. Do you want me friends? ZOMBIES? No, I already have a plan for zombies, and I've been trying to discuss this for a while now. But we you don't are you're not into the Zombie culture and already already here. That's why you don't understand. No, that's what I do understand, and that's why I have a plan in place. No, the zombies are are us. You don't know this. Look, everybody. Go outside, look around. Everybody's looking where, down on their phone, not even in front of them. Looks like Zombie land out there. That's the way. Are Eating each other for sustenance or whatever.

24:55 How that word does a matter of time. It can't all happen at once. Fell you know that iphone didn't come as the first cell phone, but now we're all looking down at the phone, not even the computer. If the Wifi, and this is what it's just Wifi, goes, we're that this whole system, the whole world, is done. If WIFI seasons to exist, that's what the if somebody wants to attack our country. That's what they should do off the Wifi. That's why cyber security is a great field to be in. The probably get paid. Yeah, you pretty much set your own price. Thankfully it's they do have sanctions against cyber security and BIOS fucking yeah, warfare, but still not that anyone's gonna follow. That doesn't matter. You can it. Oh, sanctions, okay, I'm gonna do whatever I want. Still clearly. Well, I mean, you can't drop a mustard gas bomb get away with it. Let's put it down.

26:04 Yeah, I mean, yeah, and that's why it's so hard and so much harder. But then, okay, so what would happen? But this is me really I don't know. If you drop a bomb, mustard bomb or whatever, and you get sanctioned, what happens to thet if somebody drops a mustard gas bomb or a luke or something like against that, nobody's getting sanctioned. It's World War three. Okay, so it's like retality, like everyone's final either panic or retaliation. Nobody's gonna sit there and say, Oh, I'm in trouble. Yeah, I less all this plays out. Let's call let's call him up for sent you think they're gonna answer that's floating that nuclear rocket and aiming. At that point it's like whoever's first? Yeah, no, but you're right. I think cyber stuff is the most scary.

26:57 Saw a movie about it recently. I forget what it was, but cyber and then like if people can start like screwing with DNA and like make people that scaring, that's a scary thing. Ai, like I robot. That's a that could absolutely happen right now. And who knows that? Who knows it is? I mean like the Boston Dynamics, is it that have those crazy military dog looking yeah, but so me and my dad were talking about this the other day and and uh, he listens to NPR, but that was like one of the coolest things we were listening to at the same time and that's what they're saying. But then I was my dad's an engineer, so I'm like, well, can that actually happen? And he's like yes, but in order for it to be a reality, they would have to be like a panel of ethics or like a like a whole company that there would be able to have these stop buttons to like shut everything down. But who the hell knows what that's gonna look like, especially now, looking what the government looks like now. Is He's like, Oh, yeah, I'm cool, I'm fine, just kidding. All these robots are going to do all this stuff and I don't care. But I do think that could happen the I robot. I mean we're there now, youn't her father's right, like yeah, it's obviously gonna have just like a dirt bike as a kill switch of cars you break. Everything isn't going to have to have a security

28:32 place and measure. But Hey, are you going to use it when times coming? Are you're gonna be near it when the Times come? Are you gonna be able to whos? Are you gonna want to, or are you gonna use it from Alice? Are you going paid to not to, not do it? Exactly? I think I go to feedes rate into this statement is I think until people stop acting on it self, interests in the world will not get better. And Yeah, there's yeah, because what's in other people's yeah, other people's lives, and that's if you give it, if you care. Otherwise, if you just want to win and get ahead and screw everything else, you know. Yeah, I mean that was the whole last couple of years and I'm not going to get into it because that's just that fairs me up. It's like, why didn't everybody come out with this information three years ago? But whatever, it's fake news. You know that.

29:26 Um, yeah, fucking it's so weird. It's so weird. Okay, so what I want to say? It was like, yeah, like, so, personally, like thinking of all that ship puts me in a fucket. It puts me in as not depressed state, but like and not hopeless, but just not angry, not despair, but almost like half of those all rolled into one. You know. Yeah, I'm just frustrated that. Like it's like when is this going to get better? When's People's Moral Hump is gonna Reset? Yeah, the right direction and everyone's gonna you know, and these are such blanket statements that I get frostered and I get down and I get is that discouraged? It's all all of it. If I'm discouraged at it, there's a reason I'm discouraged and that reason probably makes me mad, you know, and right now it's like the self serving of people, you know. And so, anyways, when you get down or if I get down or if I get off track and stuff like that. So you're you have the music business, where you tell artists what to do, you know, and try to help them, um, market right and and and all that stuff. What. So if they get in a Rut, what do you tell them? Folks at home, a couple of a couple of things that have worked and a couple of things that have not worked.

30:48 I walked through exactly where they started, what their thoughts were at that point where they thought they would be. Did they believe in themselves? Did they think it was impossible? And then I kind of go over with them what they've accomplished, but not just what they've accomplished, what hard work it took to get to that next point. And then I remind them also then this is like over a couple of days, I remind them every single reason why they told me that they wanted to be there, and then I connect that with, you know, how their life has changed to get to the endgame.

31:32 So, for example, Um, Oh, I'm gonna be famous, is usually where it starts. Oh, I want to make money, and then when you start to get into it, you see things like, oh, I don't want to be associated with this. I don't want to be associated with that. I kind of want to do it based on like leaving a legacy for my family and doing it to sustain a career where I can uh, you know, just live off music, not be famous and being asshole all the time. So it's it's more or less, you know, connecting their new goals with how they're old goals have progressed over time, and it helps, because most people don't realize how far they've come because they're so focused on tomorrow. When and it sucks looking at yesterday because it feels like, you know, yesterday was was was like where you started. So it's like you shouldn't look at where you started because you only want to look to the future, like everyone's told like, Oh, eyes on the future, don't think about you could have done yet exactly. But you know, you need to look at it, but look at it from the point where like what the fun? Yeah, it's huge. It's like it's always a big deal. Like do you take a big picture perspective for them? That usually helps, usually because that's a good that's a good advice. I think.

33:00 Yeah, a big picture and then like milestones, they might be small. They might seem small, but then I talked about everything they did to get there, you know, and one leads to another, even if it's tiny. That's why they say the first thing you should do is make your bed in the morning. You know, it's one task to get you and I do that and it like it may, it makes the day seem possible. At least it kicks it off in the current right direction. You completed the task. You're up one. But yeah, I think a lot of people, myself included, not even related to music, don't take a step back in the big pay like, for example, like and look at the big picture and compare how much progress you need. So that's a good that's a good way of doing that. UH, because even with my back recovery year, a year and two months ago, I couldn't walk at all. Now I can. I can walk, even though in pain every day and complaining.

33:58 At least I'm not in a wheelchair. You know exactly. And I used to do. I used to do, but I now stay away from it. Could be worse, because it could always be worse for anybody. So that's not a motivation, you know. That's that's like saying relaxed at this point. Yeah, it's like it's not a big deal. It is a big deal if it is a big deal for that person. You know, I don't want to play all the things that you pet peeve. I'm going to write because you're an asshole in your mind. On my tombstone, I'm making a list up until now. But think about, think about what we we talked about in the last episode with Um, with your recovery from everything. People don't. That doesn't happen. People don't do that all the time. Most I don't know. I mean if anything in life, whatever happens. I feel like that's that is an accomplishment that regular any person, can't do. You know, I think. Okay, let me ask you this question, because of thinking is okay. Do you think it is?

35:13 Do you think it works like this? Okay, I've accomplished that so far. You know, kicking that, that's hard to tell. You know, I'm I'm within the three percent that I've kicked it and then the point zero, zero five that have kept with kicking it right. Yeah, it's so bad, but but thankful. Yeah, okay, we'll pass that. But been a professional weake boarder, which is you know, very weird to do, but it's not a common thing. So do you think like somebody's, I don't know, so called, quote unquote, success could be behind them at that point, or do you think it's just up to work? I think successes is uh, is, undefined and UH UH and in it.

36:00 Yeah, so it's about putting in the work. It's not like everyone has a certain amount of like, oh, that was your shot, you blew it, because I think a lot of people want to get out of that mindset. Oh my God, yeah, my success defined when I was twenty. My success was marriage, graduation, master's degree, child make over, fifty grand before the age of thirty. That was killed it. I killed it, but now I look back, I see that as yeah, I kind of see that as okay, I did that, but that is not it did not. It did not from then on, right what, you're just gonna make a goal from the like. Once you reach your goal, you're gonna make a new one and then if you don't, then, yeah, things get depressing. It was a goal, but then it ended up, in my mind, being a terrible way to spend my life, thinking that that's the end goal and even looking back now, and I told her to, might add, and my dad's really good, because I was like man, I really wasted like the best thing I got out of it, and you know it's amazing, of course, is my daughter. But I have been struggling, especially now that I had I lost my job for a year. I'm struggling with the fact that, wow, those ten years that I was focusing so much on those things, I wasn't thinking about anything else.

37:22 Is this good for me? Is this good for me? I don't know. That's all. I focused on the end goal and that was not. Now, looking back, that was that is not a definition of success at all. For other people it is. And but what's working like a means to an end. Yeah, like I thought that was the ultimate happiness. I was like, I fucking did it. I'm fifth, I am thirty, I did it all off boxes at that point. Yeah, it was checking off boxes, but I that was what you know, that's what I thought success was, checking off boxes. But yeah, but it makes me feel better for not having any of those things. Yeah, I mean, and that's the other thing, like I honestly think I should have put way more. I got, like I said, I got married at twenty three. I mean that to me, all right, looking back after one year of dating, like, okay, like that's the kind of decisions that I was like success. Yeah, that face is exactly what I'm talking to you. You're married to a pretty persuasive human being. Okay. So here's another thing I realized through my ten fifteen years of therapy is that is that it's for me. It was the challenge of, um, fighting off other females to be the ultimate uh, you know, the box of success has

39:00 been checked off because, you know, as you can remember, maybe there was a couple. There's people here and there that I literally Um, okay, this you know this girl. I'm going to change her name. Um, it was during Halloween when UH and just put us out. That's true. Well, her name is Lauren. Actually doesn't matter. It's not like she'll ever hear this. Uh. It was at the same time where it was like around the same time we met Lauren and and he went to the Halloween Party together, the University Halloween Party together, and I went with my friends and we came back and, Um, we came home first and I was watching out the door to see if they were going to come back and I saw them come back or I didn't see the come back. It was taking too long. I knocked on the door and either you or brad answered, and I've been over so many times at that point that it wasn't you know, it was normal. And I was like Hey, can I wait and you know in the room. IS HE gonna be home soon? They're like yeah, sure, and so when I get when they come back, um, her stuff was in his room and she had been drinking and he was like, oh no, she's just, you know, just she was just gonna stay here because of how much she's been drinking, and I was sitting on the bed and I was like, well, I'm not moving.

40:30 So if she wants to stay here, she can. She can go on the couch, but I'm gonna be staying here, right on this bed. So y'all make this decision, but I'm not going anywhere. Wait, wait, so Laura, L M HMM, for L els stuff was on Jay's floor. Yeah, and he said, was he in the room? Yeah, and she was in the room. Yeah. Why were you looking out the wind the door? Because I was it was taking too long. I was waiting for them to come back. It was taking too long. So that's when I knocked on your guys door and I was like hey, can I say so? I just went his room, sat on and when they came back, she ended up going home. Oh, they weren't there yet.

41:17 They weren't there yet. They weren't there yet, but I waited until they came home. I thought you walked in on them. Oh No, wow, did you know there hooked up? Nope, I don't know for sure, but what's your hunch? Well, actually, my roommates told me that that they were making out at that party, which this was. This was a university swansord party at one of those like whack not clubs in the area. I got kicked out because I I stole. I stole the beer from the the tubs that they had, like the ice tubs. I kicked out for putting our wristband on and it wasn't I wasn't twenty one. I think it was the same one. Yeah, I got kicked because I wasn't twenty one either. I got kicked out because I was too drunk. Yeah, they're like you gotta go, you gotta go, and we that's why it was early, because we got kicked out early. Yeah, yeah, that guy picked me up and three, he hated me because I taped the wristband, J ripped off the wristband off of him and gave it to when he left any any or he got another one and I put the ends together with candle wax. I was sitting at the table with the yeah, and I got the candle wax trying to put it together on such it works, so we could buy what? So we can buy it. Three dollar are pouring the shots down my mouth. What's that called? Uh, I forget

42:52 what it's called. Old, yeah, yeah, when, yeah, and then you're like it's like this whole thing. Yeah, but yeah, she was like half naked porn on my throat. That's when I got caught. But I got a good sex with them and I was happy I got so I was so waste so that I thought, Oh, I was so slick. Nobody saw me tank a beer from from the ice thing and then like five minutes later they're like, wait, was that downtown Fort Myers? Was that place? It's the I think. Actually, you know the place. No, it wasn't the beach, it was the downtown one. They eventually had shootings there. Um Downtown, downtown, downtown, downtown, downtown.

43:35 I can't remember four Myers, barely. Yeah, the beach one was a whole different. But yeah, so I was like a little and then I was dressed like a wall. Yeah, yes, and what's her face was? As a pirate? I forget what I was. Probably some hookers looking whatever. That's everybody in college. Uh. But yeah, I know for things exactly like this. I haven't been thrown out at the club. They think, how old are you? Forty? F No, we should do we should do an episode where we should go to the club. Alright, one of us, because both of us trying to talk over and the club would be so annoying. Talking to the clubs impossible. One person goes and just like yeah, talking about together. We're feeling young. I don't care if it's documented or not. I need to feel young, all right, and that I would probably need to go there. I will make it to Florida. Uh, so we could do alive. You come in here.

44:47 Would just be all sorts of drama. And Steph is in Florida now. So I had more than one reason to cool there on the other close, but did um, yeah, I know that's nothing now did. I'm trying to think. I don't know. I feel like an asshole sometimes because I'm not, as I am not a very good friend, of keeping up with people and, you know, making it a priority, like staff, especially, yeah, for the people that matter that I actually, yeah, you know, care about, which is like five people, because at the rest of the time I feel like, okay, well, I could be slaving money by not going out, saving time by doing things I want to do, because on my free time, without when I don't have, you know, my child for that weekend, that is like the best forty eight hours of the month. I could sleep in, I could, you know, eat popcorn for dinner, like, I can watch stranger things really loud up until so I that's what I like to do on those dates. So if, if people, unless you're extremely worth the time, which of course that would you would be, then I'm not going to find I'm not doing anything.

46:09 First of all, let me say thank you. I appreciate that. I'm worth the time, and so are you. Yeah, I know. No, yeah, I think my free time is precious and I have plenty of it. I can imagine yours, you know. Yeah, I'm like, I get it. At Six am and I don't even have to normally. I wouldn't have to otherwise, and I'm like, you know, it's normal stuff. But I'm like our time, go to the bath room, do your homework, but I don't otherwise. But yeah, the hardest job ever actually is a single mother. I think that's tough. I do it with pride and I do it right. So very proud of that. Yeah, but yeah, uh, it makes these forty eight hours of that unch more beautiful. Well, it makes those literally heaven. I could ice cream without anybody being like oh, like stuff like that. It's so simple.

47:14 But so, the next time down, I want you to make a list of all the things you can do for those forty hours. You'll automatically look. You're already smiling. So I know. I'm like this is I got because I have Sunday. I have all day Sunday and uh, because Monday I have to work. She comes back on Tuesday. But so Monday doesn't county. Okay, okay, uh, but yeah, so I don't know. I don't I know you're feeling. Do you think you're feeling like down, like depressed style, or is it just like things are weird this week because of the your parents and that whole situation. That question was just for Um, the people at home, yes, but for me this week it's just been everything has just been it's like if I had a period, it would be like I'm my period or P M mass, whatever makes you moody.

48:14 Like everything pisses me off. I don't know. Okay, maybe it's a full moon this week too, I think, because the people I've talked to this week it wasn't there week either like something went wrong or something aggravating them or you know, you know work, everything that could go wrong is going wrong. But it's nothing that's not sexible, it's nothing life ending and it's all laughable. But it's just so really, I don't have any issues. I was just saying in general for your artists, like if they're in a Rut, which I've seen a lot of artists be like that, and people you know what's what's your first thing that you that you try to get them out of it, you know, and that's something that has devices taking a step back, because so people do that. Yeah, because it's hard for anybody. It's hard for me. I need to take my own advice and sometimes I don't like. Yeah, like, especially right now. I went from thinking that I had everything perfect to losing everything, and everything happened within a couple of years. So the divorce happened and then I, Um, uh, well, pass for a little bit. COVID UH lost.

49:30 They cut our salary because of COVID. Then I messed up my knee. I couldn't walk for like a year until I got that fixed, and then I couldn't afford my apartment anymore because of Covid, so I had him move in with my parents. And so at that point I was like, I am a loser, you know, even to myself. So, Um, that took a while because I didn't really have it was covid, so is weird already, but it was paying it. It was the fact that it's so expensive to have to buy a house and also, especially for Hispanic families and in general, it's becoming more common to have a multi generational household.

50:22 My grandma lives here, she used to, I mean before she died. My parents lived here, all my siblings lived here before they went to college. Um, so it was a great environment for my daughter to grow up in because she got to know the family that otherwise she might not have if we were living on her own. So there's that. And then it's like by living here and she gets to go to a really good school which, if I lived on my own, probably wouldn't be as good of a school just because of the price of the houses are in a different area. And then, Um, and then finally, like they loved taking care of her, they love doing stuff with her, and you know, so, I think. I mean, I love the situation I'm in now. I just got it positives here. Ye See, like it took probably two years to get out of the fact that I'm like, okay, I have nothing.

51:14 I'm like I'm the worst I have. The one thing I have is that I'm gonna I'm a good what you were doing was resetting. Yeah, white many sleep clean. You don't have writing there anymore, but that writing was shitty anyway. So you're gonna write a good story this time. Exactly. That's why my book is going to be about. Gonna be about this guy that you used to know like back in the day, and uh, his name is wilber. He was a skateboarder and stuff like that, and uh, you love Wilbur. What was a little rough of a name. We might have just change his name or something, but the name every okay, Um, yeah, okay, okay, yeah, so, okay. So tell me about that about you. What do you think about you right now?

52:07 Well, what was the question? What is your definite how has your definition of success evolved from when we all left college? What did you want to have? Money. So, when you left college, the goal was money, Girl and money. I don't want to say that allowed grills. Yeah, yeah, because we're talking about and reality. What was the question? Success then, when I was younger, now that I have experience in the world? Okay, so very simply, success when I was younger was H if I had a lot of money, I would be successful, right, which that's a version of success. But at this point in my life, or knowing what I know, is if you're happy, you're successful because ultimately you want money to buy ship that makes you happy or that you think will make you happy. Um, but all that's temporary and money, just like money is and happiness isn't, if you have it as a mindset.

53:20 Yeah, so to see that the beautiful life. So what would make me happy now? To go into uh, to take that one step further. I mean, I guess I don't know, because I've never like, Um, well, I guess I've been truly happy. But, uh, I don't know, because I've been so all over the place recently. But but obviously having but by being happy with yourself, with what you do for a living, finding purpose in that, as well as having a purpose getting up every morning. So just taking care of yourself physically, mentally and also, I think it's big for me. It's gonna be big too, because I really don't think I care about myself that much, like meaning, trying not to put it badly, meaning, like, okay, I do things that are bad for my body, like okay, I smoke and you know, when we were in college we party, like things that weren't in the best interest of my temple called the body. Right, so that that's like a version of self hatred, so I think. And it's still do those things right and still smoke, still don't really wash my diet, you know, and I exercise good but I don't have the Diet or anything to else to balance it out as well as I could. So what is that? That is me not caring. I don't know why I don't care. I don't

54:50 even want to go down that road. Doesn't really matter. But I think I get the most happiness if and when I help other people and that to be happy, you know what I'm saying, and that gives me more joy than making myself happy. So, Um, whether it be Um, you know, if I volunteered at a dog shelter or an animal shelter, and I like that because I love animals, or if I help somebody that was struggling with something that I have experienced in and it helps them, or just have a conversation to get someone out of their head and they laugh at a stupid joke I tell that makes me and measure will be more happy than making my spying myself something. Now you know, I don't know and you yeah, so I don't know. I gotta figure out how to incorporate that in my life because I know that's what makes me happy. But that was an short answer. Is before I thought it was money and material and now I know it's people and connections. But yeah, I mean, and that's I feel like a lot of people, I don't see. That's the other thing.

56:01 I don't know if people have that for real or do they think they have that or overcompensating or lying to people or themselves? Because maybe it's me, but I find it really hard to think that people really do have every everything with no flaws, like their mental health is and everybody's got their flaws, right, I mean, and that's the other thing that makes it hard, because social media everybody's good things and fake good life. Yeah, the bad things too, if you do, if they mess up once, like a celebrity, they they're caught, whereas before they weren't. So it's hard to go out to the radar. Now you're more vulnerable your private life as a celebrity, and that's why we see all these scandals. Now it's not like, Oh, now they're corrupt, they've always been corrupt. Yeah, I don't know, but the good comes bad with every thing. You're balanced with everything. You know. Yeah, it's it's the world's very tempting, tempting place with with with the temptations of evil, you know, things that make you weak. So scact, we can take your soul for that second whatever. I don't know, but I haven't read the Scriptures, but I can tell you that, uh, nothing out there is really good for you.

57:27 That makes you happy, is really good for you, exercise, and even then you're gonna make sure you have a good diet of gramatic genetically modified food and ship and sugar to sustain that. You know, how can you win in this ship life unless you're in like the one percent of the one percent. You're you're and they're Inde some evil ships. So right here, who knows? I just focus on me. I don't care. I don't care about the news, I don't care about nothing. Yeah, that's my problem, the news. Yeah, why do you care about things? Because it's like, because, dude, they're fucking facts. Tunes every four seconds. Here's one that really and I'm about to write, I'm about to unleash, and that's where I give up. I don't care. I don't know anybody. Yeah, I don't even like anybody in America. Okay, I mean, it's going to really take a lot for me to go overseas with my likeness. You know. You know what we legit need to be worrying about, and I'm not joking about this, is whatever the hell is happening with Um not ufos, whatever the whatever they're called. Now there's things in the air and there's like government, confirmed government, maybe whatever that there's ship in the in the United States that's kind of related to ufos that are mean

58:59 send messages. It's so real. Yeah, they said that, but they're just sweeping it under the road. But I'm not surprised. Listen, I had an alien experience one time. What was that thing you posted? What was that? That was actually Um I learned later that was umsel posted. So it was space aft rocket. I don't know, but there's so many and like and makes sense. The trail. Yeah, they're breaking the trail, I think. I think Elon Must I think he he obviously knows and I got him in the act. Yeah, I mean emprised that that foot is just wiped from my phone, though. I should check on that.

59:45 Mr Musk must be. Yeah, no, it's definitely Alice. I when I was little, I had I saw aliens at my house. It was the craziest thing in my life, literally, like when I woke up. Well, I'M NOT gonna type A full story. We'll save it for a different one, but alien should be a whole. Yeah, happened a couple of times because where I come from is crazy. But Um, all right, look up one time and we were on bed bunks right our house in New Hampshire, my sister, and then if we had any friends up, we'd all put a bunch of mattresses down in there. And so the floor of we all mattresses and then a bunk bed Nicole's. Yeah, it's the best. And then so I'm and I was young and I get out.

1:00:27 I was on the top Bunk and I had to pee and I jumped down and and and there's all mattresses on the ground and you can't step anywhere. And I look down once I jumped down and I looked trying to find the door and all of a sudden there's about seven, six or seven short, chubby looked like Buddha, looking like blue men. Right, no, not threatening whatsoever. And I'm staying and like they're all over that. There's not space for them, right. So, but I'm so I just shake it off and I look again. I thought of my eye and they're still there and they're talking amongst each other and like and like, I went to touch one and right when I touched him he did not move. So I didn't touch him. So I just I said, I went to the bathroom yeah, yeah, still there. WHOA thing? I went up my ladder.

1:01:22 Yeah, and then woke up. They weren't there. But how that was weird. So I've known. I've known about those aliens. Well, you could have just asked me. I was a denyer until I forget. I forget what happened, but I started watching the when that that one dude. Well, first of all I loved link one a D two. So when Tom Delong started going nuts, I had to like, I don't even know, but yeah, but yeah, back, Yo, Yo, Yo. My parents, that our town parents are out of town. Yeah, they have a ring camera that they just put in kids. I know. Well, I feel so bad because my dad, all the kids, my dad has this house right. There's two master bedrooms, there's four bedrooms, there's like where I live outside the everything, any bedrooms. And you're like where's why I live? Dog coups outside. No, it's a guest sweet thing, because I don't. It's so I don't have to interact with them and and I appreciate that. Um, but so underneath, so they built me a balcony, they built me, Um, like a fire pit area, and then around the side they have like the pool area. So there's a lot to do. But with that said, it's also scary because they only

1:02:52 have one ring camera in the front, so I'm in the back with a lot of woods. No, it's like a super it's like a I don't want to say it's a rich neighborhood, but it's a pretty high priced neighborhood and we're in the back of a neighborhood. So it would be worthless. There's no woods. No, what's behind us is like uh, but like a half a mile behind us there's a starbucks and lily school, my daughter school. Yeah, so I figured if anyone's going to try to steal anything, first of all, everybody here has a camera. UH, so they'd be screwed. First of all, just everyone has a gun. I have a gun. Trying to tell him, just tell him you have aids and just bite his arm. That's what I keep saying. That was my I thought of that the worst weapon ever and I thought it was during not the best of my days. But are you around a syringe full of your blood and just and if somebody ever tries to rob you, just say I'll stick you, I got AIDS. motherfucker. You know, nobody wouldn't even take that chance, you know what I'm saying. I was thinking that and I was thinking that if somebody, Um, damn it, Moss, come on, let's pile under, if somebody was giving me shit about wearing a mask

1:04:24 or whatever, I'd be like, I have a and I see to prove a point where you can't get aids from coughing on somebody. But if they all of a sudden leave me alone, then it's like, do you even know what you're talking about? Like you can't, you can't get aids from so leaving me alone, telling me not to wear a mask, me telling you it's because I have aged just doesn't make any sense, but that you're an idiot. So I don't know. I've had a couple of dreams, not daydreams, but like scenarios. I like, what would I do? That's a good one. Off The anti. I mean, wait till you get robbed and go for this bloody syringe. All right, don't worry about little. I have my gun, I have my pistol that I take with me when I go in and people, people, people survive shot, getting shot. All right, people are not not afraid to get shot. The AIDS, though. Let me tell you, they don't love with that.

1:05:23 I mean I would. Somebody had a Rehab said that and I'm like, you are a genius, bro that's genius. He's like, yeah, I robbed people with bloody syringes. I go, are you serious? That's why nothing pases me. All right, so you know, I've seen the good and not seen the bad. I choose the good. No, bloody, that's a good one, I think. The other good one, Um, what was another good one? The one I think about is like kind of, kind of the same, like when you're trying to negotiate with a Um, uh, like a hijacker, kindergartener. Kindergarner, a hijacker or hostage situation or no, car jacker. I was like, okay, you can take my car. If you decide to take my child, you're gonna actually be into very serious. So just give me my kid out, but take the car, take the phone, whatever. Just give me that kid and I'll give you a ten minute head start, like whatever you want, I will call tomorrow. Um, you know, that's my worst fear. So this one might be actually a good episode to put on video, because they got a fear factor because I like playing people's fears. Let's have a positivity.

1:06:53 Yeah, wait, yeah, that needs to be a thing these days. I want to see a video phone getting the hatches on the Internet are like, yeah, if I could set up the Internet, that would be it. Oh my God, there's so many. Oh, I remember one of these photo shoots. I went to the very first one, photo slash video. Um, I walk in, I had no idea what I was doing, where I was, and the Group of people sitting in the couch, we're watching decapitation videos, and I thought I was going to die.

1:07:35 I really thought that was this is my death. Um, where do you get? Where to get someone in the mood? It was so grow text like, who could even stomach that kind of story? It's really I mean, I still, you know, obviously I still think about it, but what a what a warning, red flag? Yeah, well, you'll have any alert. I am it is what it is. I'm out of my nothing can happen to me at this point. Knock on wood. Uh, I've lost my job. I couldn't walk for Aier. Um, I almost lost my car, like, bring it on, there's nothing I can lose at this point. But I do feel like harm has been paying me back with like things like the blogs going well. I have a lot of friends that have those that are verified, so they're gonna help me a lot with Um. I'm cashing in all my um favorite that they owe me for writing articles, so to get some more, you know, followers. But before that we need to get used to doing this and we need to get used to doing live, uh, instagram. We need to do live. Thanks, and then I'll bring and my mom knows a bunch of people. She knows a former she played in a band with Tim McGraw's Bass Player, and

1:09:12 she knows a songwriter who wrote for like a bunch of artists in the seventies. My my dad's best friend, which is like my uncle. She's a tour manager for a C D C and kiss. So like there's a lot of these cool little random connections that I have that I am not prepared to put my best foot. Yeah, of course, once you get the steam roller going, then those, I think those will all kind of a lot of them will naturally take shape, and then the other ones that you see, they'll be glad to help you, you know. Yeah, we'll get the momentum up before ever again. We can make this they situation, the bell and Ricky show, a long time. I'm ready to go. I'm ex Austin. You're tired. I was. Honestly, I was super tired when we started and then I'm like now we're gonna do this, this power through this. Plus, I was like getting in my own head and I'm like, it would be nice to talk to yourself. Yeah, thank you.

1:10:24 You're welcome. Are you around tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow, Sunday, yeah, rather than me going to church, you know, six or seven times in the morning, please. So, yeah, I'm sleeping in and doing not ship. So yeah, all right, let's get a couple in the archive and let's get it in tomorrow. Rip It up to me. All right, sir, thanks for the conversation. Hey, yeah, you can you say the one time? Cut Out. I said Hey, thank you. Okay, and to the people at home, the folks at home, thank you too. This is the Bella and Ricky show coming at you all. So you'll do this. So you'll do that. The exit.

1:11:15 The one more time. That was a good one. Go ahead. I don't know what I said. I'm honestly, I'm brain. I gotta go to the neurologists like bad things are happening. All right, people, I gotta go to the neurologious so signing off. Thank you all. Just bad ships happen and I hope to see you tomorrow. If I don't, give me a hell of you. I love y'All. I love Y'all too. Signing Solute please. Oh, okay, thanks for listening. If you like what you heard, check out cross the streams media dot com to hear more episodes of this podcasts and the other shows on the cross the streams network.

1:11:57 Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review on apple podcasts or wherever you download your favorite shows. visit cross the streams media dot com for more information. See you next time.